Friday, October 24, 2008

Pluto transiting the house of Self

Pluto entered my first house at the turn of the century. I was living alone in the middle of Seattle (next to the freeway), disillusioned with my life and my own ability to create happiness for myself. I desired a fulfilling primary relationship, but years of dating people who were fickle and emotionally motivated had taught me the crucial lesson of not holding onto the expectation that these people I kept meeting could bring me happiness. Very little of my life felt fulfilling and while I understood happiness had to develop from inside my own consciousness, I had no idea how I was stopping myself. All the same I recognized this was a critical blindness that needed growing up.

I’d been exploring spiritual traditions for answers and my exploration of astrology eventually resulted in my first consult. My astrologer suggested I still needed to let go of those things that were holding me back. When I asked specifically what I needed to let go of, he basically said, “let go of everything and what sticks to you is what you need”. I have been practicing “radical letting-go” ever since. It remains a difficult practice, often requiring me to soberly confront notions I’ve been taught my whole life as “being realistic.” But instead of crashing into the ground as I feared I would, my life has changed for the better and I'm beginning to feel "in the flow" again.

Soon after my consult, the funds I needed to leave my unsatisfactory job suddenly appeared and I began to understand I’d let go of my belief that employment was the only way I could support myself. Within a year I moved to Vashon Island; I’d let go of the notion I needed to be in the city to realize my dreams. While I’d met my partner a year before my consult, not holding expectations about my happiness resulting from our relationship, deepened and strengthened our connection.

I should mention that a friend had taught me about "radical letting-go" two years before I decided to consult an astrologer. It was a "new" lesson back then and I didn't realize "letting-go" meant letting everything go--a virtual death, if you will. Now I understand how I let go of things daily, it is a continual process not unlike the seasonal dying back that we witness in our natural environment.

Still, there are times when letting go is more desirable and holding on is impossible. Mars symbolizes how we hold onto things and with my natal Mars conjoined or "combust" the Sun, I can't always perceive how I hold onto what I really am better off letting go. This is where my astrologer's advice nudged me into a realization that I could let go of things I was otherwise afraid of loosing in my life.

Today I am a much happier person than I was even five years ago. Looking back at what I learned from astrology emphasizes the effect Pluto has in our lives. Letting go of false notions we believe are true can be scary, but necessary for true happiness. I’m still learning how to apply it effectively in my life but I’m sure Pluto’s entry into practical Capricorn will be very enlightening.